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I wrote this for you....

Happy New Year

If you'd only knew how much I love you,
how much I miss you every day
if you'd only see me waking up out of that dream
that dream of you and me together
just how I always wanted us to be
getting crazy as my eyes fill up with tears
I dont even recognize it anymore
feeling warmth on my cold skin
my hands dry my face, I want to see the blood
my blood once made me feel again when my childish thinkin stopped
how can I hurt again a person that can't love me for a reason
so im lyin here in wet and getting of my clothes
run into the cold little monsters
lay down on the ground
finally feeling the bittersweet pain
And I smile

If you'd just remember how similar we are
I remember you couldnt do a step without
feeling everybody gazin at you
switchin into roles
you thought you had to play
actually havin the same intentions like I had
when I once decided to do it
what made our relationship come to an end
before it began

Didnt you think people just would not accept you the way you are?
Isnt this the same reason I gave you for doin what I did?
I'm not tryin to justify what I ve done to you
You know me inside out
and you could gess
how I walk on every day with hatin myself
wondering how I could let this chance slip away
while knowing youre the best thing ever happened to me

You told me you'd feel like being a chameleon
Adapting yourself to whatever surrouned you
So how come it is you who can't understand how I felt
when it always seemed to be a bad decision
to show someone my true colors
Werent it you
The only one I ever told the blamable stories
My childhood
I wish you would just think about it...
the days I bursted into tears
just because I wanted you not to leave
I wondered how long I could play this game
Always knew the day would come... when youll find out
Do you remember the times I asked you if you'd not leave me alone
whatever may happen?
And you said yes...

Isnt it true that Ive always known that we would break up some day
and that you lied when you said yes...
Well how could you forgive me
How can you forget
So what I ever wanted us to be
is fading in our silence
With every moment you keep your mouth shut
I m watching you getting more and more far away from me
If you'd only knew
and if you'd only see
my tears begin to freeze on my skin
there is no warmth
and when I lay here on the ground
there could be a minute when I m tryin to rip out my heart
because it hurts so much...
that I have lost you

but even when youre gone now....
I think about that I will always be here on this place
where you left me
waiting for you.....
because I know who you are and what is behind your mask
and I know that I love you
that is what can't be taken away from me

so I smile
and day after day I stand up and step by step
the moment will come when I'll stand in front of you
and you'll see what I did just to get you back
I'd give everything...
What can I do but tryin?
8.1.10 16:10


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the vision - yvi